I remember reading that Ernest Hemingway rewrote one of his works
at least a hundred times.
After rereading this blog I had a connected feeling with my
ancestors who felt sad during and after the Civil War. Some say, they
feel similarly today. After 12 years I am publishing it again because
it
seems that individuals are in a sense at war, but also the
states.
Edith Wharton said she had little memory of
books or stimulation
that stretched
her mind, in her early years. Sounds unbelievable
because she published so
many works of literature, and supported herself well on earnings from
her writings.
My attention to literature
developed at a snail’s pace, as well. There is little
memory of books with any flavor that stretched my thinking.
Sunday school and Bible classes in summer stirred
my curiosity of stories from
the Old Testament, supplemented with maps of exotic faraway places of Egypt
with the Nile and pyramids. At Christmas, the kings and wise men riding on camels
and somewhere a story of Persia and flying carpets
carried me to magic places.
Elementary school readings are not memorable
except, “Dick and
Jane”,
and then “Heidi”, who lived in the Alps with a grandparent. The
Alps were difficult
to imagine when I was surrounded by the flat lands
Of Oklahoma. The largest
elevation of earth was the Arbuckles in the
south part of the state.
Okies called
them “Mountains”. But they
did not know better. The
Alps were very far away.
In the third grade
“Nancy Drew”, captured my attention because she was young
and
drove a roadster through the hills and country, looking
for mysteries to
solve.
I guess I found her at the library.
But I do remember I found a college prep text. A
previous tenant left
it behind
at my girlfriend’s house in her basement, where we
sometimes played. Betty Lou
said I could take it
home. I glanced at the
stories from time to time. It was filled
with short stories and poems. I
tried to read a few, but
realized they were pretty
advanced for me.
I used the literature text to store my movie star
pictures I cut from
magazines
and catalogued according to importance and then placed
them between the pages.
Viola, my first scrap
book. My star pictures
were of Bing Crosby, Gloria DeHaven,
Peter Lawford, Betty Grabel,
Clark Gabel, Mona Freeman, Lois Butler, Bill Holden,
Joan Crawford,
Dick Haymes, and Van Heflin. The names are barely visible,
written
on
the blank pages in front. They are barely familiar, as well.
I’ve kept the book since the third grade and now it
sits on a shelf with
hundreds of others. Over time, the pictures slipped out and were lost.
The old book was published in 1933
and I have finally read my favorite stories.
They include" A Ballad Rime Ancient Mariner," 'Annabel
Lee", and "The Finding of
Livingston". When picking up the faded blue book in
more recent times, I’ve
started the old legend, "Treasure Island," savoring each word. I was intrigued
by "Gone With the Wind" a year later, when I
moved in with my aunty and
cousin. I didn’t read it. However, my
cousin Helen, who was my age, read
it for thirty minutes
every day,
while indulging in her morning constitution.
We were only in the fourth
grade and she was a better reader than I.
I inherited this same book my great aunts, Aunt
Mary and Aunt Opal
said,
after they read it, vividly described Atlanta, as their grandmother,
who was
my great, great grandmother, described to them.
She told of the horrors that she had seen and
experienced during and after
the Civil War. They were little girls when Grandmother
Cornelia talked often
of that time. But, they were so impressed
they could remember some of her
stories. They said she spent much
of her time reading the big family Bible.
She talked about the War and the Bible many times.
Grandmother Cornelia’s home was on a plantation
outside Athens,
near
Atlanta, Georgia. Her father owned numerous farms and
plantations around
the state. But after The War Between the States, as
she called it, their property
was pretty much left in
shambles and much
of their wealth was gone.
The men in the family had been gone most
of
the time. When they
returned,
after the War, their Confederate money was worthless. But they struggled through
their situation for several years.
Some slaves stayed on the plantation after the
War and Grandmother
Cornelia taught the ex-slaves’ children to read.
Later, after her second cousin, Captain Albert
Baird
returned from
the War, they married. My mother said there were not
many men around because
of the high fatality rate of the War. After
Grandmother Cornelia’s parents died,
she and Grandfather Baird
traveled by covered wagon, with some of the ex-slaves, to
Hope,
Arkansas, to Grandfather Baird’s family. Grandfather
Baird
bought a mercantile store in Hope and a farm, outside of the city.
The Civil War was a constant memory in my
mother’s family. At
least two
generations talked of it often. Only remnants of the family
stories, pertaining
to the Civil War, remain today. Mother remembered only a few. And I
vaguely remember the stories mother told.
It’s like trying to hang onto a very old quilt
that was used often to
keep us
warm. Over the years it became worn, frayed, and
tattered. Now, I’m
clutching a threadbare quilt that is hardly
recognizable as the same quilt that
brought comfort to
those who held it.
Over the years, the old book I inherited, “Gone
With the Wind”,
barely
holds together. It is similar to the quilt. The binding came apart
and the pages
hang loose from its binding. I decided to salvage it. I
taped the binding so the
pages would stay together as I now read it.
The old book that I’m holding together,
literally with duck tape, was
published
in 1938. And similar to my first movie star scrap book that
held pictures of my
favorite stars, it too has pictures of Clark Gable
and Vivian Lee, who starred in
the movie, so long ago.
Now, I will hold the book so carefully. And
while reading it, I will
reflect on the
stories my family told of that important time in our
family’s history. I know
I’ll never catch
up on the important books that I
missed, beginning when I was
young. And I know there was “too little too early", but I will try to make up for
it.